Faster than the speed of light (8.29.05)

That line from a Steppenwolf song is exactly how I feel my life is going right now. I can't get caught up on anything right now...work, wedding, house, you name it. I have about 183,000 things started that I have no idea how I am going to finish. And, of course, work has to come first so that I can continue to pay bills, eat, and have a roof over my head. But then comes the wedding - which is nipping at our heels by the way - and there are so many details...it's hard to even think about getting them all wrapped up in the 6 weeks we have left. Beyond that, my house needs a really good top-to-bottom cleaning - I'm talking baseboard scrubbing, mopping, furniture dusting...the works. The problem? Time. Wah wah wah-y wah wah.
However, I am back on track to getting my life back. Lee was in D.C. this weekend, so I had a chance on Saturday and Sunday to kind of regroup...I cleaned, shopped, rested, went to church, went to work for a bit (ugh), and just tried to get my head back on straight. Not an easy task these days. But again this morning, work got all crazy and I have been going 100 mph since 830 am. The muscles in my shoulders and neck feel like someone mauled them up like a French twist from Mi-Lady Bakery. I am a nervous ball of energy right now...am almost giddy with adrenaline - trying to finish up buys for one client, media schedules for another, emailing aunts about having my cousins be ushers (and my youngest cousins pass out programs...they're so young, though, that they will probably end up running around with the programs on their heads - hell, by that point I may join them).
Craziness.
Good things: I am getting along famously for my boss...even asked for a raise last week (after a glass or two of wine) and I think I may get it!! Things are good on the work front...busy, but very very good.
The wedding plans are coming along - even though there is much to do, we have much behind us, and I am excited about the big day.
Can I even explain how excited I am about the honeymoon??? 7 days of doing nothing in Aruba. Hell yes!
Presents - wedding presents are the most fun thing ever...and I never knew that I would be this excited about plates and forks.
Ok, leaving for now - time to unclench my jaw and try to relax for the evening.
Au revoir.

There's no place like home (8.22.05)

Although being back after a week can smart, too. I was in Atlanta from Sunday until Friday, working in our office up there, and as busy as I was, I am so behind on our Savannah office work. Today has been crazy. I have not stopped since I got here, and I have a feeling that the rest of the week will follow suit. So if my entries aren't as regular as usual, you'll know why.
Along with that, the wedding plans are making me nuts. We are up to over 400 folks on our guest list (we had originally planned for no more than 200) which means that the expense of it all on top of the everything else has got my head spinning. And Lee's... I am trying to enjoy the process, and I actually have until now, but I have been waking up in the middle of the night with my shoulders in knots thinking about the organist and programs. I need a glass (magnum) of wine.
But, like I said a few posts ago, I need to focus on the fact that all of these so-called stresses are actually indicative of good things going on in my life. I am busy at work - that means I am needed and valuable. I am getting married to a great guy - that means I am loved and should look forward to not only a great party but a really fantastic marriage. I just need to take a few deep breaths and remember what is important. I just cannot wait until I'm sitting on the beach in Aruba having someone bring me frozen drinks and lying in the sun with Lee...ahhhh...
Until then, we plan, we plan, we plan.
And we take our anti-depressants.

NYC or bust (8.9.05)

This week, 7 people from my office are in New York City doing an event for one of our clients. Everyone on my hall except for me. And I can't help but feel jealous/angry/dejected about being left behind because I have worked just as hard (and harder in some cases) than everyone that is having a 3-day adventure in Manhattan right now.



However, instead of partying in the East Village, having drinks on the penthouse patio across from the Empire State Building or shopping in Soho (yep, they've done all these things)...I am helping answer phones (lack of manpower) and still trying to keep up with everything else I've got going on. Makes me furious. I'm sure that part of this is just immature envy...but another part has to do with the fact that I have worked my ass off for this client...and there are people at the event who have barely been with our company for 3 months. I have been here for 4 long years. And it's not just being in NYC...it's being that close to the client and having that experience - I want that. I deserve that. And, instead, I am left behind to do my "catch up" work.

I probably should have voiced at least a little of this before the event, but I didn't realize how incensed I was until now. I just feel slighted.

Is it me, I wonder? Do they not think that I can handle myself in that situation? Do they not think that I am at that level? Who knows... Although, I really DON'T think it's any of those things...I think I just got overlooked. And that really sucks. We're a small agency...opportunities like this don't come along all that often. And I wanted this one.

So, what does this teach me? I guess to speak up next time...even if it doesn't turn out the way I want. At least I will have stood up for myself. Wonder why at 29 that can still sometimes be hard to do?

You're not dealing with a human....you're dealing with a bride (8.8.05)

My friend and coworker, Adam, who is helping me with my invitations just said this to me. About me. And I swear, I am not normally a high-maintenance person...I don't know what's happened to me. I really have become that horrible creature known as Bridezilla.



Adam and Geoff (another coworker) have been working together on my invitations for awhile now...well, everything I've seen has been online. Files, pdf's etc. So today everything comes back from the printer - I was so excited!! However, there is an extra "s" on my reply cards (they say "Declines with regrets" instead of "Declines with regret")...and my inner envelopes aren't lined. When I brought these things up to Adam, he looked at me like I was crazy. Which, I think I actually may be.



That's when he said, "You know, I should have told Geoff...you're not dealing with a human...you're dealing with a bride."



Made me laugh...but it's true, and I can't deny it. It's that one time in your life where everything HAS to be perfect...and as easy-going as I am, I cannot seem to stop at "ok" these days...everything has to be absolutely flawless. The problem with everything being perfect, is that "everything" encompasses about 1 million little details. I swear, you could lose your mind planning a wedding.



So...here I sit with 3 boxes of "flawed" invitations...and work that I haven't even THOUGHT about doing. So before I get fired...let me say bye for now.



The Bride

Sarcasm is the Language of the Devil (8.4.05)

My mother used to say this to me when I was growing up...she denies that now. But I seriously doubt that I made that saying up. Whenever my brother or I would throw out obnoxiously facetious comments, our mom would give us the eye. You know...THE eye.



I had someone tell me today that my blog entries do not reflect my biting sarcastic side. Probably because I would rather not look like a total bitch - I mean, I know how to BE a total bitch, but that's not really my nature. Certain people bring out the sarcasm and not-so-nice comments...but in general, I am a pretty friendly and sensitive person.



But, ok, I will humor that sicko.



Things I Feel Perfectly OK About Smearing With Sarcasm



1. Angelina Jolie - Wow, what an amazing role model...having sex with Billy Bob Thornton in a limo, wearing vials of blood, sleeping with someone else's husband...and all the while posing as the poster child for "I Love Africa." I'm sure the kids will turn out normal. Probably a doctor and a school teacher...or serial killer and stripper.



2. SEC Graduates who can't seem to stop "Going to School..." - These guys - who are definitely in a category all their own - went to Southeastern Conference schools...they have graduated but can't seem to shake the croakies, polo golf shirts, Patagonia short shorts, Rainbow flip flops and all-around "I am so much better than you" sneer. These guys are the epitome of what all women want...I mean, who doesn't want to marry someone that will inevitably cheat on you, poke at your love handles with disgust, get completely wasted at football games on Jim Beam, and blatantly ignore people that he knows because they don't drive the right car. I love those guys...my Lord, talk about smoking hot.



3. Tom Cruise - I'm not even sure I can do this one with a straight face. What a psycho (that is not sarcasm). Tom, you have renewed my faith in movie stars...that elite group that I once thought so self-important they would attempt to make up their own religons...now I understand that actually, they ARE that important. If you're a movie star, you automatically know the history of psychology and more about the existance of a higher power than any priest, PHD, rabbi, or anyone who has actually studied these things. I mean, if you have played both Maverick and Cole Trickle in your life, you basically ARE God...right?



4. Monday Morning Quarterbacks - Again...the utmost respect for anyone who, with the advantage of hindsight, can drone on and on about what an athlete/coach SHOULD have done during the heat of the moment. That takes major skill and unparalleled knowledge - my only question is why these men aren't more celebrated in the world of sports? And, another amazing point to make about these men...most never even PLAYED sports. Incredible.



Ok, enough for today. I'm making myself angry. Hope this was entertaining.

Today is a new day! (8.2.05)

Well, in a little over 24 hours, our company raised $900 for Elizabeth. That is really amazing considering we only have about 12 people that work here. Our Atlanta office (which consists of about 15 more people) raised $80, and we did the rest. I am so unbelievably touched that everyone stepped up like that - it amazes me. And restores my faith in people. I cannot wait to give this "love fund" to Elizabeth...she is going to be blown away.



I went during lunch and got her goodies for her road trip - cookies, crackers, water, candy, gum...and treats for her babies, too. I am going to give her that tonight with a card - inside the card will be the check for $900. That should help her...at least a little. She can either use it for Toby's treatments, or for traveling, or for anything in the world she wants. :)



This fundraising has made me incredibly happy...I just feel so good that we could actually do something this substantial for Elizabeth. I am restored and refreshed and amazed and impressed. It's a great feeling. I know that what we've done won't take any of her pain away, but she will at least know how much we all care.



Thanks for everyone who has prayed for her - every little bit counts.



Tonight, on a totally different subject, a friend of Lee's is coming into town to stay with us for 2-3 nights. He is a groomsman and Lee has known him forever, but I've never met him. A vegetarian (which completely threw off my meal planning) and a non-drinker (which completely threw off my entertainment itinerary) - this should be interesting. Lee loves him, though, and I'm sure I will too... wish me luck. O'Douls and, um, whatever vegetarians eat!! ahah...



Have a great Tuesday - and do something sweet for someone...it does amazing things for your soul. LOVE!!!

Why... (8.1.05)

Have you ever seen someone go through a really awful ordeal and wondered "why." And you can't help but question ALL the why's..."Why them?" "Why not me?" "Why would God put so much on them?" "Why can't I figure out how to help?" "Why is everything in my life going so well and everything in their life going so wrong?"

I am playing the "why" game today. A friend and coworker of mine is going through a horrible time right now - her husband is in Iraq, her mother is battling cancer (seems to be in the last stages), one of her dogs has been diagnosed with cancer, too, and they are like her babies since she doesn't have any children. She just found out (literally in the last 15 minutes) that a funeral director has met with her parents. She is from Philadelphia, so she's not close to home; she has no brothers or sisters...she is relatively alone besides her friends and coworkers. And it breaks my heart.

This morning when her vet called to tell her that the pathology report had come back positive, she called me upstairs. That was totally out of character - she is usually so very stubborn and strong. She bawled on the fire escape and let me comfort her (as best I could) while she just unraveled. And then, to get the phone call about her mother this afternoon - isn't that too much for a person to handle? Why would God give someone so much to take at one time? And no one to help her share the burden? I just don't understand.

And I know that it is beyond human comprehension and not for us to understand...but it just seems so cruel. So positively unbearable. And I have no idea what to do, what to say, or how to handle it.

I started a little "fund" this morning (within our company) for her doggy...a Foundation for his radiation treatment. It seems like such a trite little thing - I wish I could do more. I'm awful in these situations - they scare me and I don't know what to do or say. At this point, I am just praying for her and for her family and her babies. It's heartbreaking.

So, now the only other thing I can think of to do is to ask y'all to pray too. Her name is Elizabeth, and her dog's name is Toby. She is one of the sweetest people on this planet and would do anything for anyone. I only hope I can somehow show her how much we all care.

Thanks...