Sarcasm is the Language of the Devil (8.4.05)

My mother used to say this to me when I was growing up...she denies that now. But I seriously doubt that I made that saying up. Whenever my brother or I would throw out obnoxiously facetious comments, our mom would give us the eye. You know...THE eye.



I had someone tell me today that my blog entries do not reflect my biting sarcastic side. Probably because I would rather not look like a total bitch - I mean, I know how to BE a total bitch, but that's not really my nature. Certain people bring out the sarcasm and not-so-nice comments...but in general, I am a pretty friendly and sensitive person.



But, ok, I will humor that sicko.



Things I Feel Perfectly OK About Smearing With Sarcasm



1. Angelina Jolie - Wow, what an amazing role model...having sex with Billy Bob Thornton in a limo, wearing vials of blood, sleeping with someone else's husband...and all the while posing as the poster child for "I Love Africa." I'm sure the kids will turn out normal. Probably a doctor and a school teacher...or serial killer and stripper.



2. SEC Graduates who can't seem to stop "Going to School..." - These guys - who are definitely in a category all their own - went to Southeastern Conference schools...they have graduated but can't seem to shake the croakies, polo golf shirts, Patagonia short shorts, Rainbow flip flops and all-around "I am so much better than you" sneer. These guys are the epitome of what all women want...I mean, who doesn't want to marry someone that will inevitably cheat on you, poke at your love handles with disgust, get completely wasted at football games on Jim Beam, and blatantly ignore people that he knows because they don't drive the right car. I love those guys...my Lord, talk about smoking hot.



3. Tom Cruise - I'm not even sure I can do this one with a straight face. What a psycho (that is not sarcasm). Tom, you have renewed my faith in movie stars...that elite group that I once thought so self-important they would attempt to make up their own religons...now I understand that actually, they ARE that important. If you're a movie star, you automatically know the history of psychology and more about the existance of a higher power than any priest, PHD, rabbi, or anyone who has actually studied these things. I mean, if you have played both Maverick and Cole Trickle in your life, you basically ARE God...right?



4. Monday Morning Quarterbacks - Again...the utmost respect for anyone who, with the advantage of hindsight, can drone on and on about what an athlete/coach SHOULD have done during the heat of the moment. That takes major skill and unparalleled knowledge - my only question is why these men aren't more celebrated in the world of sports? And, another amazing point to make about these men...most never even PLAYED sports. Incredible.



Ok, enough for today. I'm making myself angry. Hope this was entertaining.