New Leaf (6.15.05)

I am notoriously bad with money. This is not a secret to my family, my friends or my fiance. I have, yet again, miscalculated and ended up with far less money in my checking account than I should have. And that is so disheartening and depressing to me. In fact, this morning when I logged onto my bank account online, I actually put my hands over my eyes as if I were watching a horror movie. This has to stop - and I am deciding right this very second - that I am no longer going to put myself in this position.

Now, easier said than done...I know. And I have actually turned over this particular leaf several times...but now, with an impending marriage and "merger" of habits, bank accounts, and property, this is more important than ever. How nice would it be to actually be able to BREATHE toward the end of a pay cycle? I am going to start this Friday (day after payday), and make a penny-by-penny budget of where the money is going. Lee's dad suggested that we both do that just to see where our weaknesses lie. I am almost afraid of the truth (I can't handle the truth!), but you have to start somewhere. And pre-wedding, pre-babies is a good place to begin.

That said, I hate money. I hate how it has such an impact on our happiness and comfort level - I am not a materialistic person. Not in the least. But money affects me every single day - it can make or break my mood even. That makes me crazy. So that's why I am vowing to change my ways. I am tired of being ruled by my balance.

So there, currency!! Be gone! (no, I don't mean that...don't go...just don't be mean to me)