Weepy (6.30.05)

Sometimes being a girl really stinks. You have these crazy mood swings and you feel so needy - that's one minute...the next minute, you are on top of the world and smiling at everyone and enjoying life. Maybe it's not so much being a girl...maybe it's just being a weirdo. And I am - certifiably - both a girl and a weirdo.

I am in the needy mode right now. I hate the needy mode. I am a pretty independant person; I'm definitely not shy nor do I avoid opportunities to talk to people, but when I'm feeling this way I just want to go back to bed and have someone stroke my head and tell me that everything is ok. I guess - in a nutshell - I want my Mom. And I am 29 years old. Do you ever NOT just want your Mom?

There is a book called "Love You Forever" that is the most precious story of a mother and son. The son grows up during the course of the book and at the end, the roles have reversed and he is taking care of his mother. It makes me cry everytime. But when I think about that book, I think about the fact that your Mom is always your Mom...and somehow, even now, she can make things better with just a few words, a fried egg sandwich, and a smile. That's an amazing power.

So, here, in my weepy mode, I am paying tribute to my Mother. I am about to be married and will hopefully be a mother myself in the next few years, and I know it is time to let go a little bit of the apron strings. And that's ok...I'm ready for it. I just hope to take everything - the comfort and the strength and the confidence that my Mother has given me - and give the same to my family. It's a tall order, but she has given me the tools.

I'm a little less needy/weepy now...this was a therapeutic entry for me. And, for the first time in about 4 days, the sun is actually shining. And tomorrow is Friday. And my best friend and her baby are coming to stay with us this weekend. So all is right with the world. Off with the needy, on with the happy.

Thank you, Mama.