Scars & Tattoos (6.27.05)

Have you ever wondered if you made as much of an impact on people as they did on you? I feel this way all of the time. I have dreams almost every night that involve at least one or two people from my past - my friend, Brandi, who I have not seen nor spoken to in over 10 years. I have tried to find her thousands of times (through friends, Google searches, phone calls...you name it) - and the sobering bottom line is that if she wanted to find ME, she could. My parents still live in Tifton, as do most of the families that she grew up around. It would take her about 10 minutes to find my phone number.

She was just such a HUGE part of my childhood and my formative years...I don't like to let those people go. In fact, the only bridesmaid I have that I have known less than 19 years is Lee's sister. Am I a hopeless nostalgic? I know some people would certainly say yes. Some people have said that to my face.

A guy that was very important to me for 5 very long years actually help me set this blog up...I don't find that weird, I find that comforting. Why should - just because of a break-up when you're too young to know where you're going or why - should you have to lose a friend who knows you so well? I don't think you should.

I have to face the facts, however, that most people don't feel this way. Most people see the past as the past and move on. But that's just not realistic to me. People leave marks on you - scars and tattoos. Scars are from painful moments...the wounds heal, but you can never forget what happened. Tattoos are things you CHOOSE to add to your past...sometimes you may regret them, but often they remind you of exciting and intense times in your life. I have so many emotional scars and tattoos - and I wouldn't trade one. I love the people and the experiences who have made me what I am. I love that the crazy, winding road filled with characters, elation, hatred, hurt, tears and laughter have brought me to such a rich, satisfying 29 years old. I love that it all has brought me to my fiance...who has had many scars and tattoos of his own. We wouldn't be so in love and so right for each other minus our bumpy, curvy pasts.

I just wonder...am I more of a scar or a tattoo to those in my past? Either way, I hope I've helped. Helped them see what they don't need in some cases... but at least, helped.